What now?

I live to be validated.  i do.  So perhaps if i accept that, then i can start to change it.  I am excited about my new job.  I am excited about moving on.

I've torn down a lot of bridges behind me and I don't feel great about that. I don't do it intentionally.  Perhaps compartmentalizing is just really intense in that one part of my life.

In the mean time, screw it.  It's beautiful outside and there have been a few small perfect moments this week. I'll take it.  I'm still moving forward, crashing and banging into things, hurting people.  I am not a new case study.  There are many like me.  i have to remember that. I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPIEST WHEN I'M MISERABLE AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE TERMINALLY SPECIAL.

That's the news from Lake Wobegon.

New goals:
-be less shallow and self-involved
-give everyone else a chance to make up their minds about what to do with me, don't write their narratives for them
- finish book
-eat a little less cheese

-katie

We Raise It Up, This Offering

I am beyond feeling really guilty over how I haven't done as well professionally as I would have liked recently.  I've spread myself very thin and felt terribly guilty and now I am complacent  I wish that were not so, but alas it is.



That being said I still desire to do well and will continue to strive.

The soapier parts of my life are pretty calm, but we'll see how long that lasts.  The old hopes are still with me and have been poking their heads up more and more.  I am a happy woman, but also a restless one.  more very soon. I just need to regain myself in all of this bustle.

by the way, thank you, for coming along on this journey of validation - i wish i didn't need it - but i have named my beast and shall now start a plan to confront it, which might start with befriending it